Why I Chose to Read If I Was Your Girl

I chose this book to better understand what it means to transition as a young person. I want to support all students and gender identities. The Stonewall Book Award was just one of the many awards it has garnered, so I figured it was a good place to start.

Teaching Considerations

Audience: Booksellers list this as “13 to 18 years,” and it includes topics like bullying, underage drinking, drugs, sex, rape, and suicide. I didn’t feel like any of these topics were superfluous. The author needed every realistic aspect of Amanda’s experience to tell her story and to stay true to her fellow students’ stories.

Key Themes: identity, acceptance, friendship, first love, fear and safety, and resilience.

Instructional Ideas:

STRUCTURE

Using a chronological timeline with semi-regular flashbacks enabled the author to share Amanda’s full transition experience, her gradual self-confidence, and the timelines of acceptance among her friends, family, and adversaries. This was a brilliant way to bring readers along for the ride comfortably as well.

CHARACTER

This book is all character: Amanda leaving Andrew behind. Amanda’s wonderful trans mentor, Virginia, who can’t pass as easily as Amanda can, and radiates self-confidence anyway. Amanda’s mother and father, whom we learn from and grow to love as they process Amanda’s transition and change to support her. Grant, who transcends the typical jock stereotypes, and Parker, who embodies the worst of them. Religious friends, friends in closets, and creative friends who turn into backstabbers. Tommy, the ghost of a character whose absence is loud. There isn’t a single character in this book whose presence is arbitrary, and the author treats them all with dignity and grace.

THE ENDING

This book could be prescribed as a confidence booster for any number of young students (and adults!) I can’t think of a more perfect ending.

Key Excerpts

“‘Pucker up. Being a girl in this world means being afraid. That fear’ll keep you safe. It’ll keep you alive.’” – page 214

There is a diverse array of women pictured in this book. Are any of them free of fear? How so? And, if not, how does the author show us that?

“I had always wondered what would happen if they ever saw each other in person again, and the most likely outcome seemed to be a full thermonuclear exchange. Instead, Dad said, ‘Your home is lovely,’ and Mom replied, ‘Thank you. Come join us.’” – page 253

This is a story of acceptance that swells out from the protagonist and seems to touch the majority of the characters in some way. Here, we see a family coming to accept itself. Where else do you see moments of acceptance?

“When we got to the house, he opened the trash-can lid and tossed the baseball mitts inside.

‘Bye, Andrew,’ I said softly.

‘Bye, son,’ Dad agreed, as we went inside.” – page 258

How might you compare and contrast this book to the typical father-son or daughter story?

“‘Not to be crude, but you’re going to grow breasts,’ Dr. Howard continued. ‘They’ll shrink if you ever change your mind and go off hormones, but they’ll never completely go away unless you get reconstructive surgery.’”- page 302

This book does a great job reconciling the emotional and physical aspects of transitioning. In places, it’s naked and honest. How might readers benefit from this deep, transparent exploration of Amanda’s past and present?

My Thoughts and Reflections

★★★★★

I love this book and its powerful protagonist. I learned a lot about transitioning and how young people might navigate the plethora of challenges that come with it. I also appreciate how it explores a variety of conventional and unconventional high school experiences. It operates with grace, telling every story, attempting empathy in every case. I personally connected with it in a number of ways, especially as a person who grew up with divorced parents. I now share kids with my former husband and co-parent. The family in this book is very strong, even given the failures it showcases, and I appreciate that. It made me cry happy tears when the parents came together in the end in civility and support of Amanda. I have no doubt that I will have a reason or seven to share this book with future students, and I’m looking forward to that. Also, as a screenwriter, I have to ask, how has this not been adapted for TV or film yet?!

Topics/Ideas/Books/Authors I’m Curious About As a Result of Reading If I Was Your Girl

A while back, I read the book With Valor and Visibility, a compilation of stories by trans military service members. It provided me with a variety of experiences, beliefs, and opinions. I think it’s important to stay informed about different identities so that our tendency is to leap to humanizing people instead of stereotyping. I’d love to read more stories by trans people outside of the military community. If I Was Your Girl was a brilliant fictional portrayal of a young person transitioning. As a future teacher, I believe that reading nonfiction accounts of trans students will also benefit me and anyone who steps into my classroom.